Check Out Melbourne’s Crazy New Stage 4 Cononavirus Lockdown Rules

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Melbourne, Australia, is going under a nearly full lockdown for the next six weeks, a phase that started Sunday and runs until Sept. 13.

Here are the rules:

  • Must stay within 5km (3 mi) radius of home.
  • Only one person from a household is allowed to shop per day.
  • No more than one hour of exercise per day and groups limited to two.
  • Recreational activity is banned.
  • Curfew from 8 p.m. until 5 a.m.

But the government officials say “you can leave your house if you are at risk of family violence or to apply for an intervention order, and to attend court or a police station,” The Guardian reports.

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And masks, of course, are required.

“People must wear a mask or covering whenever leaving the house. There are a few exceptions. People with a medical reason are exempt, as are children younger than 12. Those who have a professional reason are also exempt and “if it’s just not practical, like when running”, but those people will still be expected to carry a face covering at all times ‘to wear when you can,’” the UK paper said.

The paper also had this gem about a “bonk ban”:

Can I have visitors to my house? Can I see my partner?

You cannot have visitors or go to another person’s house unless it is for the purpose of giving or receiving care. You can leave your house to visit a person if you are in an “intimate personal relationship” with them, even during curfew hours. That is, there is no “bonk ban.”

If your partner lives outside Melbourne and/or 5km of your home you can still visit them.

Cleaners, tradespeople, gardeners, painters and renovators are not allowed to visit your house for work. Exceptions exist for emergency issues like a burst pipe, and for providing care for welfare and wellbeing like Meals on Wheels.

Restaurants and cafes will be closed through Phase Four, but liquor stores somehow curb the spread as they’ll remain open for pick ups.

Oh, and all residents of the city will be banned from leaving for any reason. Plus, no one can come to Melbourne, either, unless it’s an emergency.

And finally, no weddings allowed, and funerals will be capped at 10 people in attendance.

Welcome to communism, Aussie style.

 

 





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